I was listening to a song by Elevation Worship called "Give Me Faith" which has these words:
I need You to soften my heart
And break me apart.
I need You to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life.
Such powerful words and speaks so much truth about how our God can restore us when we feel so hurt or broken.
This song takes me back to 12 years ago when God started to put me back together again.
In my early 20's, I was an alcoholic and a drug addict. Something I'm sure my parents were not proud of (as a parent myself, I would know how they would have felt)...or maybe they didn't know because I was here in Australia whilst they were back in Manila, Philippines.
I was beaten, shattered to a thousand pieces, and I felt like I couldn't live my life anymore. I wanted to end it.
Debt collectors were chasing me, my work kept calling me wondering where I was (I just stopped turning up to work), and I couldn't afford to pay rent, my bills, and food. So I took the plug off my home phone to avoid people, locked the doors of my apartment, closed all the windows & locked myself in for 2 weeks, with no source of food except for what was left in my fridge; which wasn't much.
I started arguing with God one night. It was very dark as my electricity was cut off, I remember sitting in one corner of the house, no hope, no future, frail, lost, confused, ANGRY. I was shattered. Broken. Beaten. I cried to God that night for the 1st time of my life. At first I was angry and blamed Him for everything. "Is this it?! Is this THE life that you have given me?!"
My anger turned to confusion...then sorrow. So I asked for His help to get me out of this mess. "Jesus, if You are there, please help me; save me!"
The next day when I woke up, I plugged my home phone in and it rang, after 2 weeks of being offline. To my surprise, it was Juanita (my wife). She was checking up on me & was worried. That's when I picked up the bible for the first time which led me to John 3:16. I knew that God sent me an angel and this was my 1st step to healing.
Just because you are broken, it doesn't mean you can't be fixed. Sometimes we need to be broken from our old ways so that God can slowly put the pieces of our puzzle together...the right way. His way. The way that it is meant to be.
Joyce Meyer was sexually abused by her dad when she was young. Jeremy Camp lost his wife from cancer a few days after they got married. Bo Sanchez was abused when he was young. They are ordinary people who lived a hurtful life and now live an extraordinary life serving God. They used their painful experiences not to blame God but to inspire others to love God. They are perfect examples of how God can turn our lives around, and how He can use us to lead and inspire others.
If you are going through some brokenness, take heart! Don't give up. Focus on Jesus and I promise you that He will take you out of your darkness.
And it gets better - If you commit to Him and follow his lead, He will bless you with all the joys of this world. All you have to do is ask.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.